A common phrase is why can’t you move on! I strongly believe that God has us go through hardships in our life to refine us, to use us as a tool to help others. There will be people that have been married to their fun soul mate, the one we believed we had not so long ago. But us, together if we have been in a relationship with a narcissist, it is not this simple. That phrase just makes us back track…We start cycling through our thinking process. Did what the narc say mean truth? Are we crazy? Why can’t we just move on?
In my experience I think breaking up with a narc is worse than someone dying. The pain is a constant with no closure, why are we not good enough? Why do they skip right over to the next person within weeks? Why did I take all the degrading actions and emotional upsets? We see them, we are told about them, we may still have to interact with them. It is a painful addiction to what we saw in the beginning of the relationship. Our mind is entangled with the illusion of what was, however the behavior has metamorphosed into a nightmare and shattered dreams. It’s an insult to us and how we view love.
We have our good days where we stay busy and move on, then there are triggers that remind us of some past memory where we are cloud nine. We cave and cry and reach out, why will they not see what we are capable of for their love, we often forgive their cheating or outlandish behaviors. But is this love, is this what we put out in the world to reciprocate this behavior. Sometimes forgiving so much allows a narc to know we are comfortable with the actions, then the behavior becomes a progression of circumstances like a head on collusion with a MAC truck.
Healing is a mindset, the opposite mindset of what we forgave for so long. Sometimes we deal with things for so long we get comfortable with where we are at. This includes the negative environment we have stayed in for so long, believing we have no self-worth. Get out of your comfort zone because this where change occurs, it becomes a survival, a hard core decision to be happy.
We will relapse and try and return to what was comfortable, what we think we need. It is not as easy as just move on, it is hard, painful, and gut wrenching. Do not feel guilty for wanting to be happy and positive. We need to love ourselves and find things we enjoy and go after it. Never feel guilty for knowing that you are worthy of smiling and joy. Success is not money, jobs, or social status. Success is for the person that never gives up, fights through the ups and downs. Success is overcoming the highest hurtle in your life. Success is overcoming the negativity and moving forward.